Where Is My Miracle?

John 4:50 “Then Jesus told Him, ‘Go back home; your son will live!’ And the man believed what Jesus said and started home.” Looking at my husband’s face as he was listening to the words spilling out through the phone, I could see by the look on his face, this was not good. It was that phone call no one ever wants to get. Katie was being airlifted off the mountain and taken to a hospital. The news that our daughter had no brain activity somehow did not penetrate into my being. I just knew that somehow, someway, my story would end like the man in John’s gospel. This government official had walked twenty miles and begged Jesus to heal his son before he died. Jesus asked, “Will you never believe in me unless you see miraculous signs and wonders?” This man must have believed that Jesus was able to heal his son because he asked Jesus for exactly that. I too prayed that prayer while we made our 340 mile trip to reach my daughter. I just knew the Lord would give me that miracle. But that miracle was not to be. That day my daughter and I did not receive the miracle healing for my daughter. I could not see through the tears of grief that there were miracles happening all around me. People who showed up and met a need just at the right time. Many others who came to accept the Lord because of the life my daughter lived. The biggest miracle of all is that I have come to find joy that my daughter is not living in this fallen world. In this world, she would have to deal with all the pain and hurt that comes in day to day life. No matter how good life can be, it can never rise to the joy she is living in Heaven. She is back home and she is alive! So you see, I have seen many miraculous signs and wonders. One day I will see the miracle giver face to face and what a joyous day that will be. Lord, whatever my lot, I have learned to say, “It is well; it is well with my soul.” – Michele

Heaven’s Glory

Revelation 21:15-16 “The angel who talked with me had a measuring rod of gold to measure the city, its gates and its walls. The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia in length, and as wide and high as it is long.” Dr. Henry Morris in his book The Revelation Record calculates the measurements of Heaven. A cube that is 1500 square miles is as large as the area from Canada to Mexico and from the Atlantic Ocean to the Rockies. It could easily accommodate 20 billion residents, each having his or her own private 75-acre cube, or room, or mansion. That would leave plenty of room for streets, parks and public buildings. If God can make the heavens and earth as beautiful as we see that they are today, can you imagine what the new Heaven and the new earth will look like? The are few things here on earth that calm my inner soul, but going for a walk on the beach or taking a hike in the mountains in Hawaii come pretty close. I love to smell the salty air, put my feet in the sand and listen to the crashing waves of the ocean. I love the beauty of taking a hike through the mountains, following a stream of rushing water, walking through a bamboo forest and then coming around a trail to see a breathtaking waterfall. Being one with nature and God’s creation does something to the soul; it’s almost like the rat race of the world doesn’t exist, and for just that moment in time, I can breathe in His fresh air and I can hear His still small voice whisper to me saying, “All of these things were created by Me and for Me, for My pleasure and glory,” and I have given them to you for you to enjoy. (Col. 1:16.) As wonderful as it is to go to the beach or on vacation in Hawaii, unfortunately, I always have to go home, back to the hustle and bustle of real life, back to the crowds of people and all of the things that pull and tug on me, back to work and back to reality. I often think about the monks of Tibet and how spiritual they can be, sitting high in the mountains singing praises to God, but what would they be like if they had to live in the city and fight traffic each morning to go to a job which requires that you give your full attention. Sure, I can be spiritual when I’m walking on the beach by myself or hiking through a beautiful mountain trail, but add rude people, whiny kids, stop and go traffic, and the noise of the city, it seems that everything changes. Why does that happen? Why do I allow my situation and my circumstances to change my spirituality, to change the peace that lies within me, to alter my breathing and my state of mind? 2 Corinthians 4:16 says, “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” God is able to transform me little by little and I know that this is a lifetime process, a journey that is fraught with problems, with difficulties, with pain, with sorrow and with grief. There will be deep dark valleys where the blackness threatens to swallow me up, where the seas rage and the wind blows right through the gaping hole in my gut that is left as a result of the grief I still carry. But there is also joy and peace, contentment and happiness, days that the wind will gently blow across my face, down times where I can walk in streams of living water and bask in the sun on the grassy slope of life. It is there I find the hope of Heaven and my eternal destiny and I can remember that this life is but a blip on the radar screen, and there are better things to come, more glorious than I could have ever hoped, dreamed or imagined. I find hope through trusting that He has prepared a far greater place for me, but in the meantime, He is continually holding me in the palm of His hand and He is preparing me for glory. – Melody

Our Last Day

Ecclesiastes 7:2 “Better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all men; and the living will take it to heart.” In the first part of Ecclesiastes, Solomon is trying to find meaning in his life. In the second verse of this book, he states, “‘Everything is meaningless,’ says the teacher, ‘completely meaningless.’” The definition of meaningless is having no purpose or reason. The problem is he was looking for meaning and purpose without God. He hated life because everything he was doing seemed to not matter. In his quest for meaning, he then finds himself telling us it is better to spend time at funerals than parties. Most anyone I know, would tell you that they hate funerals and they usually go only if it is a family member or social pressure. This suggestion is not for us to think morbidly. It is to remind us that each of us will run out of time here on earth. We will run out of time to tell those we love how they have impacted our life. We will no longer be able to right those relationships that have been fractured. It is at funerals that we get a glimpse of what the future holds for us. No one lives on the earth forever. We can learn many life lessons in death. Psalm 90:12 tells us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. That reality is never more evident than at a house of mourning. I just recently experienced this after spending time with a good friend who was hours away from breathing her last breath. The house was full of those she loved and who loved her. All those unspoken words that needed to be said were finally released. There was nothing left unsaid. The finality of death shouts no more time, no more words. No more would of, could of, should of. Death is a gift given to the living. It is a reminder that we can make a change on how we live our life. Are we chasing things that really don’t matter? Are we loving those that are in our lives with the love of Christ? Do we need to change the direction on how we are living? We know we have no guarantees for another day. Bryce Morgan writes, “Knowing your time is limited should not lead you to waste your days, but to seize your days; to not take them for granted.” To live carefully and courageously. Right? That is wisdom. So do not put off till tomorrow what you can do today. There is no promise of tomorrow. Your last day is ahead of you. So how will you spend your last day? Lord, may we be doing Your work and living our best life on our last day! – Michele

The Lord Is On Our Side

Psalm 130:1-2 “From the depths of despair, O Lord, I call for your help. Hear my cry, O Lord. Pay attention to my prayer.” Oh those difficult times life throws at us. Sometimes we have those years when everywhere you turn, things just keep going from bad to worse. My husband and I had one of those times. We went through the loss of a business, the loss of our financial stability, and then we faced the worst of all, the loss or our daughter Katie! I felt like we were following in the footsteps of Job. I read Psalm 124 and see how grateful I am that we clung to our faith in the Lord. No problem is too difficult for Him. What if we had turned our back on Him? Psalm 124 describes what could have been our fate if we had chosen to walk away. We would have been swallowed alive in our burning anger. The waters of grief would have engulfed us. The raging waters of grief would have overwhelmed every part of our being. Make no mistake. In those early years, grief was hard, and we often felt outdone by what we faced, but we knew the Lord was on our side. We praised the Lord because He did not let the teeth of the evil one tear us apart. We escaped from his trap and we are free from the one who wanted to destroy us. We were not defeated, but we know we will endure forever. Lord, no wonder my heart is glad and I rejoice. My body rests in safety. For You will not leave my soul among the dead, or allow Your holy one to rot in the grave. You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of Your presence and the pleasure of living with You forever. – Michele

God is with me EVERYWHERE

I had heard enough about an MRI exam to be somewhat apprehensive when my doctor decided it would be a good diagnostic tool to give reason to the aches and pains I was having. The call from the scheduler definitely quieted some of that apprehension, not because she gave me an oh-don’t-worry-about-it, but because she spelled out some of the things patients do get apprehensive about, and just knowing what to expect helped to relieve some of the qualms of the unknown. Still, the morning of my exam had me praying from home to the MRI location. And the forty-five minute wait didn’t help either. And then, my name was called by a cheerful assistant. A few minutes in the dressing room preceded my being introduced to the MRI machine. It dominated the small room I was in, being much larger than I had expected, but that also meant the tunnel I was about to enter, had a far greater diameter than I had expected, and entering in a flat-on-my-back position, much like the position I was cozy in for an afternoon nap, I also entered feet first, so my head was the last part of my body being absorbed by what I then realized was a well lit enclosure. I had been told to be still, but I was also given a squeeze ball, in case for some reason, I needed to exit prematurely of the expected twenty minute exam. I tried napping, and that helped to keep me still, but my thinking needed a place to focus because the nap wasn’t coming. I was praying again, just for a quietness to saturate my spirit. And then suddenly, the hymns of my childhood and the promises from the Gaither songs I had always loved, began to rehearse themselves in my thinking. I lay there, consumed with the goodness of my God, the God who promises His presence and His peace, even in an MRI tunnel. I was totally relaxed, and a buzzer interrupted one of the hymns to tell me my time was over. And it seemed, it all happened so quickly. The next morning, my close friend sent me an online video of a song that was only vaguely familiar, but the words captured my time with God the previous day. I love You, Lord. Oh, Your mercy never fails me and all my days, I’ve been held in Your hands. ... You have been faithful ... You have been so, so good ... You have led me ... You were close like no other ... You are my provider and You lead me and guide me by Your Spirit and Your word. I have never walked alone. I knew my God had stayed with me in the tunnel and He had made His presence known, but I knew too, I have been in tunnels that were much, much darker, and much more threatening. I knew also that a few other friends were struggling in the reality of life – realities that were raw with grief, both already weighing them down with its pain, emptiness, and questioning doubt, and grief that was gnawing because it was still imminent, but it was dark with its imminence. Relationships were being stretched and responsibilities were outweighing available resources. In my MRI tunnel, I just wanted the reminder that my God never leaves and He always, always provides. Even in the middle of doubt and apprehension.. Even in the turmoil that far, far exceeds the MRI. So, I forwarded the song that had encouraged and reminded me yet again, and I prayed that my friends would hear not only a song of warmth, but a song of promises. My God will never, never leave me. And He will always, always, make my impossible reality, possible. – Bev (Related Bible reading: Psalm 139:1- 12; Psalm 23:1-6; Hebrews 13:5,6)

He Heals the Brokenhearted

Psalms 147:3-5 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit.” I’ve been thinking a lot about how special and unique the Lord created a mother’s love for her child; it is like no other love found on this earth; it is a protective and fierce love, a deep and unconditional love that belongs only to that child. It is a love that is unequaled and unusual in that a mother is truly willing to lay her life down for that child. And that is exactly what she does the moment that baby comes into the world; she puts herself on the back burner and places her child before her each and every day and every single decision she makes, she makes for the sake of that child’s well-being and for that child’s future. There was a bond that occurred in the womb when the Lord attached my child to me with a life-giving rope called an umbilical cord and that rope forever links me and my son together and from the moment I held him, I knew a completely different and distinctive kind of love. When the Lord took my child to his eternal home in Heaven, a huge piece of me left this earth and only a part of me remains here. The Lord says that He heals the brokenhearted and binds up our wounds, but He doesn’t say how long that process will take. I believe for mothers who have lost children, that part of ourselves will never ever return to us until we see our children once more, face to face in Heaven. But in the meantime, our God is still great and mighty in power and His understanding is limitless. He truly understands this type of love because God sent His one and only Son to earth so that we would know His heart, so that we would understand His protective, fierce love, His deep and unconditional love, that is unique and unequivocal, that is only reserved for His children. The Bible talks a lot about the brokenhearted and those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” After the death of my precious child, I was inconsolable, I cried myself to sleep with guttural cries that came from the deep substrata of my soul; the pain and ache that consumed me as a result of losing my son seemed to me that it would overtake me and that I would truly die. When I woke the next morning, the ache in my heart was even greater and the hole in my family was evident by the fact that he was no longer here on this earth and the knowledge that my family is now incomplete just broke me and for just a moment, my faith wavered. I reached for my phone and there from my pastor was a message telling me there were ten things God wanted me to remember during this time, ten promises He wanted me to know. 1. I will give rest. 2. I will strengthen you. 3. I will answer you. 4. I believe in you. 5. I will bless you. 6. I am for you. 7. I will not fail you. 8. I will provide for you. 9. I will be with you. And 10. I will love you. As I opened the word for my morning devotion and I asked myself, “why do I doubt His love for me, when He is so faithful?” I know if I had His perspective, that I would understand why He took such a beautiful gift He had given me, away; I would understand His purpose and His plan for my life from here on out, but at that moment and time I did not understand; all I knew was the pain and sorrow, the grief and the heartache were fresh and raw. And once again, He brings me to my life verse, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10.) – Melody

Days Turn to Years

Job 3:6 “Let that night be blotted off the calendar, never again to be counted among the days of the year, never again to appear among the months.” Oh how the book of Job speaks truthfully of the pain and struggle of life. July 2,1997 is forever a day I will never forget. It was the day my daughter Katie was received into the arms of the Lord. At the beginning of this trial, I counted the hours of my daughter’s absence. Then came the days. I remember waking up the first morning realizing nothing would ever be the same. Job 3:25, what I had always feared, happened to me. What I had dreaded, had come true. Isn’t that always a parent’s worst fear, to have a child die? Then came the first month. Opening my eyes on that first month, wondering how I have lived a whole month without my daughter. How can I live the rest of my life in this much pain? Job 6:11-13 Job cries out, “I don’t have the strength to endure. I have nothing to live for. Do I have the strength of a stone? Is my body made of bronze? No, I am utterly helpless, without any chance of success.” Soon those hours, days and months turned into a year. My daughter’s death had not destroyed me yet. I was still holding on to the God of comfort. Job 23:10-11, Job writes He knows where I am going and when He tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. For I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside. Soon my year turned into two and then five and ten. I have now walked through 25 years of walking through July 2,1997. He has been so faithful to me through my 25 and a half years. If you are early in your walk keep on keeping on. It is a long and hard road but I promise you, it is a road worth traveling. That day, July 2 1997, is a day that cannot be blotted off the calendar. It is a day that happened. It is a day that changed me and my life forever. Every year that day greets me with a heart full of gratitude. I am grateful for having Katie in my life for seventeen years. It goes without saying that I would have loved to have had her longer than I did. One day I will see her again. There will be no calendar or counted days. Just forever You turn mourning to dancing You give beauty for ashes You turn shame into glory You’re the only one who can. You turn graves into gardens You turn bones into armies You turn seas into highways You’re the only one who can. Graves into Gardens Brandon Lake – Michele